Myths amongst Men / Women

04 Jul

Penis Size

Could I have the attention of the entire world for one second, please?

There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.
There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.
There are no drugs that make your penis bigger.

Now which part of that don’t people understand?

As art, literature, and folk medicine attest, the desire for a larger penis has been with us for thousands of years. Alas, neither Egyptians, nor Mesopotamians, Romans, Phoenicians, or Victorians discovered a solution. Anyone who’d like more heft in their package but can’t figure out how, is not alone.

A man can shave his pubic hair to create the illusion of a bigger penis. He can have fat injected into his penis, which will make it look bigger for a while. When the fat settles after 4-6 months, however, he’ll have a lumpy penis no larger than he started with. And he can have the ligament holding his penis to his abdomen cut, so more of it dangles down away from his body. Again, this will give the illusion of a bigger penis. But he does have to allow someone to put a sharp scalpel very close to his favourite piece of flesh, with results that are not entirely guaranteed. It’s an illusion that requires a roll of the surgical dice.

The mystery is why the interest in a larger penis endures in men. You’d think there were some long tradition of women throughout history shrieking from the riverbanks, “if only my man were bigger, I’d be happier!” It just isn’t true. Women seem to want many things – more kissing, cuddling, and cunnilingus, among others – but an extra inch here or there is not the dream of most women.

The desire for a bigger penis, I think, is really the desire for other things – relaxation, more confidence, disinhibition, an insight into women, even wisdom. Unlike penis size, those things are actually available. But a man has to be willing to learn a few things about himself and eroticism, and let go of some beliefs, attitudes, misinformation, and, well, a certain unhelpful attitude.

Even in this supposedly enlightened century, men fret about penis size. Though the vast majority of guys have more than enough bulk to perform well as lovers, there is a widespread masculine obsession that ‘more would be better’.

We get a constant flow of emails and letters from males who are worried that they are ‘too small’. Vast sums of money can be made by exploiting this obsession, but other than surgery, there is little that is clinically proven to increase penis size.

Any woman reading this article may find it puzzling that so many men are concerned about the length of their penis and wish they had ‘just a couple of inches more’. But that’s the way that a lot of men are.

Size matters

To the average man, his penis is, consciously or unconsciously, one of the most important things in the whole world. At an early age he discovers it and immediately becomes fascinated by it.

But then a note of uncertainty enters his mind: ‘Isn’t mine rather small?’ Look at Dad’s, look at big brother’s, look at those in the men’s changing room – and he asks himself if he will be as big as that.

And so he goes on through life, always a tiny bit sensitive about the size of his organ, always convinced that it would be nicer if it were just that little bit longer.

No matter how often it’s written that penile size doesn’t matter, and that women aren’t attracted to a man because of the length of his organ, the average male continues to think the same way.

The average female cannot understand this obsession with penile measurement. So if you’re a woman, never belittle a man’s penis in bed, even as a joke, or say anything to indicate that you think it’s small. The guy may take you seriously, and if he does, he’ll be deeply hurt.

We have known men who have gone on to have problems with impotence (erectile dysfunction) after someone made an unthinking remark about their dimensions. But almost all of these men had a perfectly normal male organ. Each one just thought he was very small compared with other men.

It is also worth noting two points about women:

  1. some women really dislike the idea of a large penis, and may be frightened by one that is too long.
  2. some women are much more impressed by the thickness of a penis, rather than its length. This is because some females like the sense of feeling stretched round the entrance to the vagina – so if a guy is quite broad at the base of his penis, this can feel very exciting and satisfying to such women

A question of perspective

The trouble is that every man sees his own penis in a foreshortened view. The angle at which you look down inevitably makes your penis seem shorter than it is.

But when you glance at another man’s organ, there’s no such foreshortening effect, so very often it’ll look as though the other guy is slightly better endowed.

A lifetime of comparison of this sort (and virtually every male does a quick mental check on each naked man he sees) can easily make you feel a bit inadequate. But it’s important to realise the facts about penis length.

Average penis length

A non-erect penis usually measures between 8.5cm and 10.5cm (3-4 inches) from tip to base.

The average figure is about 9.5cm (3.75 inches), but this kind of precise measurement is rather valueless. Many factors can cause a temporary shrinkage of two inches or more, for instance cold weather or going swimming, so you needn’t worry if you happen to fall short of the average figure.

Of course, it’s true that some men have big penises and some have smaller ones, just as some men have small feet and some have big feet, but the measurement is not – repeat not – an index of virility.

Most people think that a tall man will usually have a large penis, but this is not entirely true. The distinguished American researchers Masters and Johnson measured the penile lengths of more than 300 men.

  • The largest organ was 14 cm (5.5 inches) in the flaccid state. It belonged to a slim man who was 5′ 7″ tall (170 cm).
  • The smallest penis measured 6cm (2.25 inches). It belonged to a fairly heavily built man of 5′ 11″ (180cm).

It’s also worth pointing out that there is no correlation between penile size and race.

Average size of erections

We’ve talked about the length of the penis in its ordinary non-erect state, but how long should it be when it’s erect?

Interestingly, most penises are very much the same size when erect.

  • The man whose non-erect penis is smallish will usually achieve about a 100 per cent increase in length during sexual excitement.
  • The man whose non-erect penis is on the largish size will probably manage about a 75 per cent increase.
  • This means the great majority of penises measure between 15cm and 18cm (6-7 inches) when erect, with the average figure being about 16.5cm (6.5 inches).

So you can see that even if a man has got a ‘small’ penis, he’s got a built-in compensating factor that will bring him up to about the same size as the guy who appears to be ‘better equipped’ in the shower room.

Sex and women

Virtually every man forgets that it doesn’t matter how long or how short your penis is, because the vagina will accommodate itself to any length.

  • The vagina of a woman who hasn’t had a child is only 7.5cm (3 inches) long when she’s not sexually excited. The figures for women who have had babies are only slightly different.
  • Even when aroused, a woman’s vagina usually extends only to a length of about 10cm (4 inches).

This means any man’s penis will fill her vagina completely, unless you happen to be one of those rare guys with an erect penile length of less than four inches.

You’re probably now wondering how the average man with an erection of six inches manages to insert his penis into the vagina at all.

The vagina has the most remarkable capacity for lengthening if something is introduced into it gradually.

So the exceptional man whose erect penis is eight inches long can still make love to any woman, providing he excites her properly and introduces his organ very slowly. If he does this, her vagina will lengthen by 150 or 200 per cent to accommodate him.

What if I’m not happy about my penis size?

If you’re really worried that your penis is the wrong size, go and see your doctor.

If you’re not happy about consulting your GP on such an intimate matter, you could see one of the medics who spend their entire day checking men’s penises. You can find these doctors at:

  • private ‘well-man’ clinics, but take care: a few of these are run by quacks
  • NHS urology clinics
  • NHS sexual medicine clinics
  • NHS genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinics
  • NHS family planning clinics, although these tend to be oriented towards women and don’t have much time to deal with males.
  • Brook advisory clinics (for the under 25s).

What treatments are there to increase penis size?

Many companies claim they know how to enlarge your penis – for a price.

We have recently been to several medical conferences at which leading experts have spoken about penis size and penis enlargement.

Their opinions on the various methods that are so widely advertised to the public can be summed up as follows.

  • Pills or patches for increasing penis size: a complete waste of time.
  • Penile enlargement surgery: of uncertain value and sometimes dangerous.
  • Penile enlargement exercises: probably pretty futile.
  • Penile suction devices: probably of little use.

Several European experts say that the relatively new stretcher or extender devices may sometimes be of value in giving a man a little extra length.

Surgery to increase penis size

A number of private clinics now offer operations that claim to make the penis look bigger. The expense of this type of surgery is very great and there is a risk of complications like bleeding, infection or deformity.

One surgical procedure that has become popular since 2005 is slicing through the ligament that supports the penis.

This makes the penis dangle more, so it looks longer when not erect. But it will make no difference to the size of your erection – and furthermore it won’t come up as high as it used to before the op.

Another type of surgery involves injecting your own fat into your penis to make it more bulky. This may not work, and it can lead to complications.

We recommend that you do not agree to undergo any surgery unless you have seen an NHS consultant urologist who feels that you really need penis enlargement surgery.

Penis stretchers (extenders)

Some urologists are beginning to use a special extending frame to try to stretch the penis.

These ‘stretchers’ are small rectangular frames that you wear on your penis for hours at a time, every day. They pull your organ out to its maximum length, and the idea is that it will gradually remain longer.

The devices are said to be undetectable under trousers.

There have been several reports from Italy and Spain by surgeons who claim a modest degree of improvement in length from this kind of traction.

We don’t think these devices are some sort of miracle discovery, but one surgeon reported that a group of men achieved an average increase in length of 1.8cm after using the device daily for four months. This is less than three-quarters of an inch, but for some men this would be significant.


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, or worse yet, dismissive of your concerns, the real “harm” here is not physical. It’s all the worry, shame, and conflict attached to masturbation by so many men, women, and children, thanks to negative associations with all kinds of sex — done by one’s self and with others.

Strong negative messages play a role
These messages come from so many influential places — often for most of one’s lifetime. It may not be true for you, but this cloud that hangs over many masturbators might send some looking for physical “harm” from this popular practice. It can be a way of justifying any bad feelings and beliefs about masturbation that might never allow going it alone totally okay.

“Blame everything on masturbation”
That said, your “blame-it-on-masturbation” reasoning is understandable. If one sprouts hair in “strange” places, sports dark circles under the eyes, and says goodbye to those always reliable erections during and after stretches of solo-sex, one could easily conclude that these unwanted reactions came on as a result of whacking off.

Then, could it not also be said that hair loss, far-sightedness, and love handles also owe it to masturbation? And what about greater self-confidence, career changes, and the urge to buy property? The point: is it possible that all of these occurrences stem from something besides genital stimulation? Might aging also be the culprit?

It may not come up ’round the copier and coffee table, but many twenty- and thirtysomethings now include big black nose and ear hair plucking in their regular grooming routine. They’d also put down difficulty getting it up and keeping it there as a getting older symptom. Bags under the eyes? Yep, that’s on the list, too.

Why not conduct this experiment?
If you’re not convinced that masturbation doesn’t play a direct role in the physical “consequences” that you’re now experiencing, how about conducting an experiment? Masturbate less often, or refrain from doing it for a few months. and see if your symptoms disappear.

Take note that not “relieving” yourself for an extended period of time may lead to other unwanted physical and psychological situations, including irritability, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, and wet dreams. Now, it is possible that any stress, guilt, disgust, etc. with your personal sex play is making it harder to get and stay hard — these feelings are frequently powerful obstructions to sexual arousal. Also, if you’re masturbating past your bedtime, dark circles may stare back at you the next morning.

Virginity Testing

Virginity testing was a legal traditional practice in South Africa until just two years ago. When the decision was made to ban it for girls under 16 years, there was an outcry from some community leaders who claimed that virginity testing encourages girls to remain abstinent and that this helps to prevent pregnancy and the spread of HIV.

Virginity testing is usually performed by elderly women who inspect the vaginas of young women for tears. Nowadays, these women could face criminal charges.

How reliable is virginity testing anyway? And is it at all possible to determine whether or not someone is still a virgin?

Medically speaking the concept of an “intact” hymen is a myth, says Prof Elna McIntosch, Health24’s sexologist. In some cases the hymen can be stretched or torn by fingers, tampons, sex toys, masturbation, or even at a gynaecological exam.

For others, using tampons or inserting fingers does not interfere with the tissue at all. Anecdotal evidence also supports the idea that it’s possible to tear or stretch the hymen during non-sexual strenuous activity (such as horseback riding, gymnastics, or dance) or from trauma directly to the vaginal area. There are also women whose hymen tissue is so flexible that it moves aside during penetration.

If a woman’s hymen is stretched or torn, she may experience pain or bleeding that generally lasts for a short period of time. Or, she may not show any “signs” or have any discomfort at all.

Different shapes and sizes
Hymens vary in shape, size, and thickness. Among the multiple possibilities are hymens that surround the entire vaginal entrance, with an open space in the centre (called an annular hymen), and hymens that appear open with a thin line of skin down the middle (a septate hymen).

Most hymens don’t fully cover the vaginal entry so that menstrual fluid can leave the body. In rare instances, the hymen can be thick, covering the entire vaginal opening (an imperforate hymen). This kind of hymen may not allow a woman to menstruate, have penetration during sexual activity, or have anything inserted into her vagina. Often, a health care provider can correct this with a simple incision. However, if there’s cyclic build-up of the uterine lining, but no menstrual flow, the vagina will fill with blood that can back up into the uterus. A provider may need to be seen immediately.

Mystery of women’s bodies
The physiological purpose of the hymen is one of the eternal mysteries of women’s bodies. Although it doesn’t seem to have a specific function, it’s thought that hymen tissue remains as a vestige of vaginal development. Embryologically, it tended to keep germs and dirt out of the vagina.

In infants and children, the hymen can serve a protective purpose by helping to prevent things from being pushed into the vagina; sometimes, a damaged hymen is looked at as an indicator of abuse and incest.

Throughout history, there have been cultures that forbid sexual activity outside of marriage. Some of these have considered an “intact” hymen “proof” of purity. This connection continues to have a psychological and cultural impact today

1 Comment

Posted by on July 4, 2011 in Discussions


One response to “Myths amongst Men / Women

  1. warren

    January 8, 2012 at 5:21 AM

    Hi…I’m from milnerton…I’m 18 at the moment and my penis is realy small…wen its nt stiff its only about 7cm…the thickness is only 8cm…I would like to know where I can go to have this checked…its not fun being the laufed at nd being teased about it…I would like something to make it atleast alil biger


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